A Shellfish Lover
by Ashida
Summary: Asami brings crabs into their relationship, Akihito is not happy. One shot.


**AN:**I have no excuses.

* * *

It hit the twelfth hour, the tide was at its lowest, the perfect time to go exploring through the rock pools at Yokohama.

Akihito used to come here all the time as a kid, why was he here with that pervert bastard?

He didn't know, he said it on a drunken whim, ringing Asami up to rant to him about how awesome the rock pools were when he was young, he didn't think Asami paid any attention to his incoherent ramblings though, but here they were.

The very next day, Asami swept Akihito up from bed, shoved him in the limo, and drove him right down to said rock pools.

Asami had forgone his jacket, vest and tie, his white dress shirt unbuttoned down to his chest with his sleeves rolled up.

Stupid, attractive bastard.

Even in his dress shoes and black dress slacks, he still managed to look like he had complete control of his footing, despite the lack of grip on the bottom of his expensive leather shoes on the slime covered rocks.

Stupid, coordinated, attractive bastard.

He contemplated giving the crime lord a subtle push in the wrong direction, but even three or four paychecks couldn't pay for his shoes and pants if they were to get sullied in salt water.

Stupid, rich, coordinated, attractive bastard.

Akihito on the other hand, was in the same clothes he went to sleep in, a singlet, jeans and his converses. He didn't give two shits if they got dirty, his childhood memories took over, forcing him into the ankle deep shallows, over turning rocks to watch the crabs scuttle away and find a new hiding place. Nostalgia filled him.

Meanwhile, Asami stood on the edge of each pool, and just watched, like with everything that was Akihito's idea. They just had different versions of entertainment. Most of the time, anyway.

They were skirting the edge of a particularly large pool, Akihito jumped over the shoals with years of practiced ease, on his way to the pools that always had the most creatures in them, he didn't look back, expecting Asami to be right behind him.

Until he heard it.

_Splash! _

He whirled as fast as he could on the sodden rocks, he couldn't miss this moment for the world.

He made the 180-degree turn in time to see possibly the most fulfilling sight he'd ever see in his life.

There was Asami, the richest, most handsome, underworld kingpin, plonked ass first in a rock pool, salt water lapping at his thighs as he sat there, stunned at his mishap.

His brows were pursed in confusion, and he was looking down at the water as if it didn't belong there, as if it were causing offense to him, Asami Ryuichi.

The hung over blonde couldn't help it, he laughed, doubling over in uncontrolled bouts of hilarity, not even caring to give his lover a hand out of his unfortunate situation.

Fuck, he wished he had his camera right now. This would make the front page for sure.

He wouldn't be surprised if the crime lord decided to have that particular hole filled with concrete, revenge for crossing the wrong person, it had tripped one too many this time!

Akihito was still laughing as Asami got up, sopping, from the shallow rock pool, to navigate his way back to the limo where Suoh and Kirishima were waiting.

Asami was walking away from him, dignified and all-powerful, the black fabric of his dress slacks clinging to his thick legs and muscled ass, Akihito had to admit, Asami had the best ass.

Except right now he had the most hilarious ass.

There was a hermit crab clinging onto his bum.

It undid the _entire_ image of Asami Ryuichi, this composed, well put together businessman, with a little hermit crab dangling off the fabric of his pants, the little pincer holding onto the material for dear life.

Akihito couldn't function anymore, his stomach hurt, his eyes watered, he doubled over with laughter again even though he knew he would have to pay for it later, in the limo probably.

At his new bout of amusement, Asami finally turned around to look at him, his top half unruffled apart from where the water had seeped up the fabric of his white shirt.

Damn, the man could probably win a wet shirt contest or two as well.

"It's not that funny, Akihito." Asami drawled at him, like he was fed up with a child's antics or something.

Akihito didn't care, this was turning out to be one of the best days ever.

"Haha… oh…. No, Asami. No. I'm sorry! It's not that." He managed to huff out between wheezes.

"What is it then, mm?" Asami's brow quirked the question at him.

Not trusting himself to speak anymore, Akihito simply turned his hip to face Asami, and pointed to his own butt while his other hand covered his mouth.

Skeptical, the older man twisted his body to look at his own behind, but his reaction was not the one Akihito was expecting.

Asami smirked down at the little hermit crab, before turning his gaze back to Akihito with a sly look to his eye.

"Oh? Are you hiding your jealousy behind laughter, Akihito?" the man asked matter of factly.

Well, that was a sure fire way to get Akihito to stop laughing.

"W-what?" he sputtered, surely he was hearing things.

"It's ok, I know you are." Asami all but stated.

"Asami…. How could I be jealous of a crab?" he deadpanned.

"Because it's touching my butt, and you aren't."

"It's a crab." He rebutted.

"Touching my butt." Came the counter.

"Are you actually trying to make me jealous of a crab?" Akihito couldn't even believe the deluded question coming from his mouth, but Asami looked completely serious.

"Quit denying it, Akihito" Asami closed in, back to the agile beast he was as he stepped over the pools without looking on his way to him. "Look here at his crab, he's probably had a longer feel of me than you ever have, doesn't that annoy you, mm?" those piece of shit gold eyes sparkled down at him, playful and mocking.

And then the man went so far as to give a suggestive little wiggle of his hip in Akihito's directing, brandishing his muscled, hermit crabby butt at him in mockery.

Akihito seriously couldn't believe this, was he feeling resentment towards that damn crab for touching Asami's powerful, firm, sculpted glutes for longer than he ever had?

"I know you love my ass, Akihito." Asami purred at him.

"Shut up." Akihito snapped abashedly, yes he was fucking jealous of a damn crab, because Asami had manipulated him into being so. He folded his arms with an indignant huff.

A mirthful, rich chuckle filled the air, "Go on, Akihito. Touch me." Once again Asami gave a twist of his hip to present one toned cheek, clearly outline through his wet pants, in Akihito's direction.

"No." Akihito huffed again, he was not going to give in to Asami's antics, the bastard was unbearable when he got into one of these moods.

"Sha la la la la, touch my bum." The crime lord cooed at him with a smirk, he rocked those hips back and forth, the little crab swung helplessly with the motions.

"Did you just... sing The Little Mermaid at me?" he asked in outright disbelief, because the thought of Asami _knowing_ about The Little Mermaid was outrageous.

"Now, don't try to change the subject, Akihito." And oh yes, Asami managed to reel Akihito right back on topic with another shake of his hips, how could a man have _such _a nice ass, seriously.

He really hadn't spent enough time touching it, fuck, how he'd love to knead that firm flesh, run his fingers up the muscles of those hip flexors that were currently responsible for the sumptuous rock of that well-defined rear end.

Not only did the man have the ass that belonged on a sculpture that depicted gods, but he could move it just as well, and that _fucking _hermit crab was still clinging on.

"Argh!" Akihito burst out, because he couldn't believe himself, he reached forward and snatched the creature off, threw it in the pool that it'd come from, and promptly stormed off towards the limo.

Asami's booming laughter chased him up the shore, and he loathed it because that stupid man had managed to turn his fun around and make him jealous of a goddamn crab and he was too hung over for that.

"Oho, Akihito, don't be so shellfish, there's plenty of me to go around." Came the taunt behind him.

"Oh my god! Fuck you!"

* * *

Asami chuckled to himself for the entire time until Akihito slammed the limo door after he got in.

He might have wrecked a pair of pants and shoes, but what he'd gained in his lover's reactions had been well worth it. Really, Akihito was just too easy, and knowing that the blonde liked his behind enough to be jealous of a hermit crab was amusing and oddly fulfilling at the same time.

He let his lover stew in the limo, probably taking it out on Kirishima and Suoh as he did so, and turned back to the pool where Akihito had thrown the crustacean.

In his sodden pockets he fished out a gold coin, and smirked at his own ingenious before he flicked it with a metallic ting into the saltwater where it landed with a splash and then promptly sunk.

"Good work, Sebastian." He commented, before following Akihito's footsteps back up to the limo.

Behind him, the hermit crab called Sebastian clacked his little pincers together in thanks before scurrying off with his pay out.


End file.
